Transcript is for all parts.

Lisa Whelchel: Wow, we could probably just go shopping now and still have – wasn't that wonderful, just the – I just love it about God that can he can bless us and change us and touch us during the offering. I mean that just says a lot about the Lord and what he has for you this weekend.

I'm hoping that some of you did what I asked you to do and wrote down whatever the Lord talked to you about last night and continue to do that. This afternoon, what the Lord spoke to you through Michelle, and what he spoke to you through this offering, be sure and write that down, so that you have something to take it home and to hold onto when it gets kind of busy again and you kind of begin to forget about what you met God and what he said to you at this retreat.

I'm gonna talk to you this morning about my marriage. I'm gonna tell you how I met my husband. Then, I'm gonna talk to you about a few really tough years in our marriage and the things that I learned through that. Now, for those of you who aren't married, obviously, Michelle has already proven to you that she can talk from the perspective of a single woman and minister to all women. And I believe that I can talk to you just from about how I met my husband and my marriage relationship and the Lord has something to say to you who aren't married as well.

But before I do that, let me just take care of a little matter of business. It was made aware to me today that we ran out of Creative Correction books. Also, a lot of the ladies last night came up and asked about the homeschooling book that I have written, and, I guess, I don't know if I didn't make it clear, it's not out until April, but all that kind of stuff can be taken care of on my website, if you have access to the Internet. And my website is lisawhelchel.com. So, I'm sorry, I did not bring enough books. I underestimated the power of your shopping ability.

So, hopefully, if you have access to the Internet, and even if you don't want to buy a book, let me tell you, every weekend, I journal on my website, just what we've been going through this week, the things I've learned as a mom or as a wife or a woman of God, or just whatever I'm dealing with, highs and lows, and I upload that to my website along with pictures from the week. And so, I have friends, all over the country, and we meet for coffee on Monday morning and just have a chat. So, I'd like to invite you to join me for coffee Monday morning, if you have that.

One last little thing of business, real short, I'm also coming to Atlanta in May and then, also, Kentucky and Tennessee in the fall and I'm bringing together, kind of like the Pastors' Encouragement, except it's for moms. It's called "Mom Time". It's a mom-time getaway and it's for moms and my whole heart is the same thing as like Phil was saying for the pastors. My heart is for that weekend to pour out on moms, because they pour out of themselves so much. So, we have a massage school coming that, you know, for massages. We've got a pajama party, where they come down to the ballroom in their pajamas and slippers and we have milk and cookies and watch old The Facts of Life reruns and, you know. And the best part is that – oh, oh, also, another fun thing is the first night, we play games and every once and awhile, I'll just take a handful of Snickers bars and throw them out into the crowd and for chocolate, you know, chocolate is a ministering tool, I think. And then, God shows up and does what he wants to do.

So, if you want information about that, that's also on the website. Or if you're a women's leader from your church and you want like a video, a promo kit or a brochure, you go talk to my very handsome husband back there.

Now, see, I do that, because I know some of you who aren't moms, you're not at all even interested, but you checked him out and, now, you have an excuse to go say hello. So, a – and I think that's a good way to kind of a segue way into my first story, because I know my husband is attractive. I know that. I'm aware of that now, but that was not always the case. Not that he wasn't always attractive, I just wasn't always aware of it. As a matter of fact, that's kind of the whole crux of this story. And the reason I want to make it clear to you that I know how good looking he is now is because, otherwise, about half way through this story, half of you are gonna be going, is he in here? Is he hearing this? And you're gonna feel really badly for him, because it gets brutal, because I really didn't always, oh, I don't know, I just didn't see it. Maybe, I was blind, but now I see.

But in the beginning we were just friends. My husband and I were in a prayer group together. We met every month in this prayer group for two years and every month, my prayer request was the same, I mean, I would add some things to it, but, pretty much, every month, my prayer request was that the Lord would help me find the man that he wanted me to marry.

And my husband, Steve, was dutiful to pray for me, every month. Now, I should have known something was up, when he offered to lay hands on me and pray for me. But, you know, I mean, I wasn't thinking that way. I wasn't going there. I didn't have those feelings for him.

I was about 23, 24, and so, I just knew that, although I had boyfriends at the time, those weren't the ones I wanted to marry. I was waiting for the one God wanted me – that had chosen for me and that's what I was praying for.

And so, for two years, Steve was very, very dutiful to pray and we became good friends during this prayer group. We became really good friends for a couple of reasons. For one thing, as I mentioned, I had boyfriends, but they were – they're always musicians. I don't know what it was. I was just attracted to those musicians, but they were on the road a lot with Christian musicians and so, they were on the road a lot.

And so, I would hang out with Steve, because, you know, he was safe. And, you know, my boyfriends, they – well, let's put it this way, one particular, one of my favorite lines and one of Steve's favorite lines too, you know, they were cool with me hanging with Steve, because, for one thing, we went out to dinner one night with one of my boyfriends and I said, "You need to know that while you're out of town, I just feel like I need to let you know that I'm spending a lot of time with Steve Cauble while you're gone. You know, we're going to movies and to dinner and 'cause you're not around, it's just somebody to hang out with. And so, but I just thought you should know that." And this guy, said, "Steve Cauble, Steve Cauble, oh, you mean the church organist? I don't have to worry about him." Steve loves that part of the story.

But anyway, we were just close for a couple of years, got to be very, very close friends and, I mean, I was happy. This was great. I had somebody to hang out with, didn't have to put makeup on for, I mean, does it get much better than that.

Until one weekend, I was at kind of a weekend retreat, kind of like this, at our church, and there was a woman speaker, who had come to speak and the very last session on the last day, she was going to pray for everybody, just real quickly, individually. Well, it was kind of a large group. I kind of go to a pretty big church, so it was a long time before my row was dismissed to come up and get prayer. And in the meantime, we were all just worshiping the Lord. They had a wonderful praise band, like this one. And we were all just singing, worshiping the Lord, and I was just loving it. It was an extended time in telling the Lord how much I love him and adore him.

And all of a sudden, I just felt – I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. I just felt almost like it was heavy. It was almost thick. I could almost just feel just the presence of the Lord and it just kind of like fell on my shoulders. And, you know, this doesn't happen very much at all. I wish it did, 'cause it was so cool.

But I knew enough to realize that this was something special. And so, I said, Lord, I sense your presence, so if there's anything in particular you're wanting to say to me, I'm listening. And, immediately, the thought popped into my head. "Would you ever consider marrying Steve Cauble?" And I said, "No. Get off me. Ooh, no way. Whoo."

But, you know, I mean, I knew enough that I should probably kind of hide this in my heart and pray about it, but I wasn't gonna say anything to Steve about it, because I knew that Steve did have those feelings. You know? He had such integrity.

He'd take me out to lunch about, you know, once a season. And then, he would just feel like he needed to say, "You know, I just don't want to take advantage of my position as a pastor. And so, I just think you need to know that I'm feeling for more for you than friends and just wondering if, you know, if you might, you know, feel some of the same way?" And I'd say, "Well, no, but, you know, we can still be friends, if that's okay, because I love being your friend. If we could just kind of go on with that?"

And so, you know, we'd take care of that business, then we'd go on and I'd have it great again for another six months or so.

But I knew enough not to say anything to him, because, you know, I didn't want to get his hopes up or anything. So, well, you know.

But I was gonna go out with him afterwards, after this church service anyway. We went out to dinner. And at the end of the evening, he got real serious on me. And he said, "Lisa, before you go, sit down. I just have to ask you one question. Would you ever consider marrying me?" And I said, "Funny you should mention that." And so, of course, I had to tell him what had just happened, you know, like two, three hours ago.

So, we figured, okay, discerning as we were, we should probably pray about this. So, we knelt down right there and prayed about this.

And then, Steve left town the next day. He used to travel a lot with our senior pastor at our church, Jack Hayford. And so, he would leave often on Mondays to go travel with him where he would be speaking. So, he left the next day.

And I spent that next week fasting and in prayer. Okay, well, I didn't fast the whole week, but I fasted some. From my story last night, you know that it would take an awful lot for me to give up food, but this was an awful lot. Because, well, call me old fashioned, but I just kind of always assumed that, I don't know that I'd want to kiss the guy I was gonna marry. And, you know, I just didn't have those feelings. And, yet, here we were praying about getting engaged.

And so, I not only was fasting and in prayer all week, but I also made an appointment with every counselor that was available on staff at our church. I had read somewhere that there was safety in number of counselors. I didn't know what the number was, but I wanted to make sure I had it covered.

Steve got back into town at the end of that week and we decided, you know, what we really need is counsel from the senior pastor, you know, the big dog himself. And so, Steve had been friends – had been like a son to Pastor Jack for years. So, he called him up and said, "You know, we need to talk to you. Can you make some time for us? Pastor Jack said, "Yeah, come on over Sunday night after church and we'll talk."

So, we went over there and we kinda told Pastor Jack about everything, filled him in on what had happened at the church service and he knew about our friendship. We gave him all the pieces of information we thought were important, like there's an age difference. Steve is 13 years older than me, maybe that was something we needed to kinda consider and while praying about this.

Well, I didn't – okay, we didn't tell him everything. I did leave out one little piece of important information. I didn't mention to Pastor Jack the fact that I, you know, wasn't physically attracted to Steve. But, you know, how can you do that? I mean, he was sitting right there. It's not like I could say that and not hurt his feelings. So, I know that that would have been a very important piece of information for Pastor Jack to have when counseling us about whether to get married or not, but I didn't. I just left it out. So, there.

So, we finished. We sat back to hear from the master. Now, I don't know about your pastor, but our pastor can talk a long time about anything. I see some shaking of heads. So, you know what I'm talking about. So, we sat back, ready. We were gonna hear this wise, sage man and he was probably gonna talk a long time about, you know, why or why we shouldn't get married and all that.

Instead, he looked at us and he said, "I think you should go for it." That was it. That was his counsel to us. I knew that was it, because suddenly his wife shows up and hands me a piece of cherry cheesecake and they turned on Murder She Wrote.

So, Steve left town again the next day with Pastor Jack and he was speaking to a group of pastors on the East Coast. Steve's parents are pastors on the East Coast. And so, Pastor Jack got up to preach and he said, "Now, before I begin my message this morning, I just have some exciting news that's just too good to keep inside. Our very own Steve Cauble is engaged to be married to Lisa Whelchel."

Well, Steve snuck out of the service and he called me. And he said, "Lisa, we obviously failed to make it clear to Pastor Jack that we were coming to him for his counsel, not his blessing, because he's just announced to all these Foursquare pastors that we are engaged to be married. And, of course, you know, my parents are Foursquare pastors. They will find out about five minutes after this meeting is over and I thought you might want to call your mother and give her the happy news." "Wait a minute."

Then, he said something I will never forget. He said, "Yowser, bowser," and hung up. I remember as if it was yesterday just standing there thinking, "I'm engaged to a man who says yowser, bowser."

Steve got back into town at the end of the week and we went out to dinner. I just figured, you know, we'd go out to dinner. We would laugh about this. You know, oh, my goodness, how did this happen? How are we gonna get out of it?

Instead, he says, "Well, Lisa, I guess since we're engaged, I ought to buy you a ring. Let's go to the mall. When my friend Doug got engaged, he did all the research, found a really great jeweler at the mall. Let's go to the mall and see if we can find you a ring?"

And I thought, "Whew, okay, I'm all right, right now. I don't have to deal with this right this minute. I have a few more days to figure out how I'm gonna get out of this. Okay." Oh, I'm sorry – okay, let me explain.

I don't want to pull a Blair on you, but I knew the kind of ring I wanted and I wasn't gonna find it at the mall. I mean, you know, I was gonna have to have this ring designed. I was gonna have to go down to the L.A. Jewelry Mart, because, for one thing, I had never seen this ring before. It was just something I had in my mind since I was a teenager.

So, I said, "Okay, let's go to the mall and see if we can find a ring." I really had a hard time, you know, telling Steve no and I was just always worried about hurting his feelings and this was a little bit of a problem in this given situation, but we did go to the mall.

And the jeweler said, "Well, ma'am, do you have anything in particular in mind?" And I said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do, but I've never actually seen the ring before. I've only imagined it and so, it's kind of hard to describe. If you have a piece of paper and a pencil, then I'll draw it."

So, I drew and it's an emerald cut, you know, the rectangle in the middle. And it has two triangle cuts, which I found out that night are called trillions on the side.

The jeweler picked it up and he said, "Hmm, you mean this?" And there was my ring. The one that I had never seen before.

Now, you've got to remember that I've drawn this, so it's not like I can say, "Well, no, not exactly like that. It's more circular in shape. You know, big all circles all around it."

So, Steve whips out his credit card, says, "Praise the Lord," and buys it.

I'm thinking, "The Lord has nothing to do with this. The Lord knows about weddings. He knows about honeymoons. There's no way he's in on this."

So, the next day, I left town for a week. I flew to Nashville, Tennessee, where my best friend lived. I figured between the two of us, we could figure this whole thing out.

And if not, I could just have all of my belongings shipped to Nashville, because I knew I would never be welcomed back at The Church on the Way, because everyone at the church adored Steve Cauble. And I knew that I would forever hear the whispers from the little old ladies as I walked by, "There goes the Jezebel who broke Steve Cauble's heart."

So, my friend picked me up at the airport and I asked her to stop at the Baptist bookstore on the way to her house. And I went into that store and I bought every book they had on the shelf on finding the will of God for your life.

And I just – and I holed up in her room for three days. I did not come out, except to eat, you know. Obviously, that fasting stuff didn't work out the right way.

So, I read my Bible and I prayed and I read these books. And you know what, by the end of those three days, I was more confused than ever, because this had really gotten to be more than, you know, how did I get into this and how was I gonna get out of it? This was really much more about, you know, who was this God that I had given my life to? And is he not to be more trusted than this?

Because I could just see it – I could only explain it a few ways: either God was this capricious being who was up there manipulating his children's lives for his own sick entertainment; or he was this really cruel God and he was willing and able to just stand by and watch this young man, who had done nothing wrong, get his heart broken; or he was this puny God, who wasn't strong enough and big enough and, yes, I should have spoken up sooner, but, at the same time, was he not big enough and trustworthy enough to, maybe, not let one of those little coincidences from happening; or this really was his will for my life and he really did want me to marry a man that I wasn't attracted to.

So, I had to go back to, okay, all right, now, what do I know that I know that I know about God?

Okay, well, I know there is a God. You know, that was never really in question. You can't see creation or see a sonogram and not know that there's a creator, so that wasn't an issue.

Well, I also knew he was a loving God. You know, I told you last night about the fact that it was the love of God that drew me to him in the first place. It wasn't because I knew his character and I knew his sovereignty or righteousness or holiness. It was because I felt his love and it drew me to him and he lived in my heart with this love. And so, you know, I knew he was a loving God. I couldn't deny that.

Well, and I knew he was a faithful God. I just told you one story last night about the faithfulness of God in really tough times of being – going through puberty on television and he was faithful to get me through that. He was not only faithful to get me through that, but to draw me closer to him in the process and reveal himself to me and give me the strength to get through that. And he had been faithful in so many ways. I knew he was a faithful God.

And I knew he was a good God. You know, I mean, you can't look at my life and not see the goodness of God. I gave my life to him when I was ten, but that was really the last thing I ever gave to him. He's just been giving back to me ever since, because he loves to give his children good gifts. Even if it's in the form of hard times, I knew him well enough to know that in those hard times, there was the even better gift of a revelation as to him and being drawn closer to him, so I knew he was a good God.

So, it really boiled down to, I was either gonna have to trust God, and who I knew him to be, loving, faithful, good, strong, trustworthy, or trust my feelings and, you know, kinda what I felt, not only what I wanted, but I felt like was my right to choose who I wanted to marry.

And when I tried to kind of picture myself going one or two ways, I realized it would be easier for me to walk down the aisle and marry a man that I wasn't attracted to, than it would be to walk away from God and who I knew him to be.

And I couldn't walk away from my father. So, I said, "Okay, God, I'm going to trust then that you are not capricious; you're not cruel; you're not puny; you're good; you're loving; you're faithful; and that this is your will and I'll marry him."

So, I got on the plane, headed back to Los Angeles and I opened a book. One of the books that I had bought at the Baptist bookstore on the way was a book called, Now That You're Engaged. And it's one of those books, where, you know, each of the fiancés kind of fill out these activities, get to know one another, that kind of thing.

So, the very first activity was to make a list, to write a list of all the things that you admire about your fiancé. So, this was easy for me. I got out a legal pad and I just began to write and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. I turned it over and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote, because there was really never any question about how much I admired Steve Cauble and respected him. He was just an awesome man. He was an incredibly good man.

And what's so funny about it is it couldn't have been two months before all this happened. I remember walking down the street in front of our church with a friend of mine and I said to her, "If the woman who ends up with Steve Cauble doesn't know what she has, I'll personally come beat some sense into her."

I knew he was a great guy, so this was easy for me to write this list of things I admired about him. And I began to re-read my list. And I don't know what happened 35,000 feet up in the air, but by the time I finished re-reading the bottom of the second page, I was madly in love with this man. And I couldn't wait to get off that plane and run down that jet way and give him the wettest, sloppiest kiss you ever did see. I think I probably even said yowser, bowser.

And I am so thankful that I knew the character of God enough to trust him with my whole life, with the most important things in my life. Because other than the gift of his son Jesus, the gift of his son Steve is the sweetest gift God has ever given me.

And he is perfect for me and I would not have known that, because we – for one thing, I'm discovering it more every day. We've been married almost 15 years. And for one thing, let's just put it this way, you can't live in a 40-foot RV with somebody for a year and be more in love when you come home, than when you leave, unless God is in on it. God chose Steve for me and I'm so glad I knew enough to trust his will for my life.

And before I go into the next story, I wanna just ask you, is there something that you know that God is kind of bubbling up and asking for your obedience? And it does not make a bit of sense to you. It is not the thing you want to do or would do. Maybe, you're afraid to do it. You don't think you could do it. Any of those things, but you know it keeps coming back and you know it is something that God is asking of you.

Can I encourage you to trust God enough with every part of your life? And trust that anything he asks you to do, it is only because he can see further down the road and he knows you better than you know yourself. And it's only for your blessing.

And sometimes, you know, Michelle said this morning, you know, you can only obey God as much as you trust him. Well, can I tell you that God is trustworthy? If you don't have the history that I do, maybe, you do and you need to go back and you need to revisit the faithfulness of God. If you don't, would you trust me that God is faithful and trustworthy enough to obey him and see what he has for you? Think about what that might be and you write that down in your journal this afternoon and make that commitment to him.

Now, the reason I wanted to bring that home right then is before I got into this next story, because I tell you, Steve is the one God had for me and we are madly in love and grow more in love and more in like every day, but that was not always the case.

Year one was wonderful. It was bliss. They usually say, year one is so hard. Year one was wonderful for us. It was years two through seven that were really hard. And here's the main reason why.

There were other reasons. I mean, there were some things, you know. Steve didn't get married until he was 38. So, there were things in him that needed to be worked out. I had been on my own, since I was 12. So, there were other situations why it was so tough. Had 3 kids in diapers, okay. That'll lend itself. I lost all the money that I made on The Facts of Life and we were living on my husband's pastor salary in a rented home, having gone from the fact that he married me.

This was kind of, probably, not really – this was a little bit of a cruel trick on Steve, I think. You know, when he married me, I was just over 125 pounds with long, blond hair making $2 million a year and working on television. Within 5 years, I was, you know, at different points during that time, over 165 pounds, roots growing out, lost all the money that I made and we were living in a rented house and I had no prospects of going back to television. So, this was a rude awakening. This would have been a little bit of a hard adjustment you can understand for Steve.

At the same time, there were things that came up in Steve's past that, you know, God does that when he gets you in a relationship, whether it's marriage or not. Things begin to bubbling up to deal with.

But the main reason why years two through seven were so hard, I just didn't figure it was fair. It did not make sense to me, but here was the reason.

God created me – the way he created me, it appeared was the perfect way for the life he had for me. I'm a strong Texas woman. I left home when I was 12-years old. Lived on my own. I was in charge of my own bank account. Paying my own apartment bills, all the utility bills. I lived with guardians or my grandmother, but I was the one that it all fell to. So, getting to work on time, doing all that. Making the plane reservations to come home. From the time I was 12, I have been able to just say, this is where I need to go and whether it's a physical place or just a vision for my life and, then, plot a course to get there. That's just the way God created me and it served me well in my life. It served me well to live on my own to be able to work in an industry like that. It served me well.

Now, Steve, on the other hand, was created for the call of God on his life as a real servant. As I mentioned, he used to travel with our senior pastor all the time. And the reason he traveled with him is because Pastor Jack, you know, would go – Steve would come alongside him and before Pastor Jack could even think of something that he needed, Steve already had it right there for him. You know, Steve knew how, just perceptively as a gift, to come alongside and serve a leader, serve someone.

At the same time, Pastor Jack would have these great visions about where the church needs to go or where something needs to go, but he didn't want to mess with the details. So, he would say, here's the vision, Steve, make it happen. And Steve, who loved – who just thrived on someone telling him what to do, so that he could do it and fulfill it, this seemed like a –

– when we got married. Okay. Here I am. I will know where we're supposed to go and how to get there. Steve can come alongside me and serve me. I could have the big visions and dreams and, then, I can say, Steve, make it happen. Tell him what to do and he'll do it. This just seemed like the perfect marriage. I could see. I was beginning to understand what God had in mind, why he brought us together. We just fit like that. We fit.

What I didn't count on, what I didn't take into consideration was the way God had made us as men and women and the way that – although I loved to be in charge – take charge of my life, there was something way down, deep in there that God had created me as a woman that began to bubble up years two through seven.

And it would say things like, "Well, I wish somebody would take care of me. I wish Steve would, you know, just take the initiative every once and awhile and, you know, lead this family. You know, I wish someone would be, you know, bigger than me and take care of me and teach our children and tell us where to go and handle all these things that we need to know and take the pressure off me. I just – I wish that Steve would do that."

And I began to get bitter. I began to resent him for not doing that, for not taking the spiritual lead in the family and being the head of the home.

At the same time, you know, resentment began to bubble up in him, because even though he liked to come along and serve and be told what to do, the man inside of him that God had created him began to be saying things like, "You know, I really don't want to be told what to do all the time by a woman. I really wish she'd just get off my back about what I'm supposed to do and just let me do it and make my own choices and not have to do everything she wants. I wish, you know, I would like to be able to, you know, lead this family and not just go wherever she wants to go." And so, he began to resent me.

And, you know, the thing is, is I'd prayed a lot to God about this. I had been praying a lot. "Dear Lord, I've read the books. I've read the marriage books. I've read the Bibles. I know what he's supposed to be doing and he's not doing it. Would you please change him?"

And God is so gracious. He said, "You know, Lisa, you are right. You are right. He is not doing what he's supposed to be doing and I need you to help me. And this is what I want you to do to help him make – to help change him."

Now, of course, I didn't figure it out until later what he was saying, basically, "Here's what I want you to do. I want you to change first, and then, we'll deal with Steve." He said, "I want you to do two things, Lisa. The first thing I want you to do is I want you to start looking for ways to thank your husband, look for ways. Make yourself – set a goal for yourself, five times, ten times a day that you are gonna thank him for something that he's doing."

You know, that was exactly what I needed to hear, because I had gotten so focused on what he wasn't doing and what I knew he was supposed to be doing, that I had lost sight of the gift that he was. I had lost sight of the things that I had written down on that list that I had fallen in love with. And those were suddenly not important, because what he really should be doing is this and who he really should be is this and what I really wanted was this. And so, it was exactly what I needed.

So, I began to – it was kinda hard at first. It was a little awkward at first. I'd have to, you know, go things like, "Thank you, Steve, for taking out the trash for us tonight. Of course, I did do all the laundry today and sweep and mop the kitchen and, you know, take care of the kids. You can take out the trash, but thank you for taking out the trash for us tonight." Or "Thank you, Steve, for keeping the kids, so that I could go out to have coffee with my mother. I appreciate you babysitting the kids, so that I could have that time with her. I think that's also called parenting, but, you know, whatever."

But it got a little easier after awhile. You know, I would say, "Thank you, Steve, for filling up the van with gas. I noticed when I got in the car this morning it was full. So, thank you for filling it up for me when you went to the grocery store last night. And thank you for going to the grocery store last night, because if you hadn't, then we wouldn't have had milk for cereal for dinner. And thank you that it's okay with you that we had cereal for dinner and that you're not the kind of guy, who has to have this big old meal every night, because you understand, some days, it's all I can do to stick a box of cereal out there. Thank you that you're that kind of a husband."

And it really did begin to – it began to get so much easier and I began to see again the man I had fallen in love with. But more than that, more than that, it began to heal Steve. Because up until that point, if I had anything to say to him, it was what he was doing wrong. How he should have done something or what he should be doing. And he was just getting beaten down and broken down and it began to, you know, heal him.

And he began to have the confidence, you know, "Oh, oh, so you like it that I filled it up with gas. Okay. Well, you know, next time, I'll put some air in the tires for you. Yeah, yeah." "Oh, so, it was good. You like it when I go get the milk for cereal. Well, you know what, honey, next time, I'll dial Dominos. We're ____."

You know, he began to really feel like he could please me. Because up to that point, it was more like why even try? Nothing I do is good enough, anyway. And it began to change him.

The next thing that the Lord asked me to do was go on a 40-day fast. Now, thankfully, it wasn't from food. It was worse. He said, "For 40 days, Lisa, I don't want you to make any decisions. Now, if Steve's not around, you're just with the kids and you have to decide whether you're gonna go to McDonald's or Burger King for lunch, that's fine. But if Steve's around, for 40 days, you may not make any decisions."

Now, this was really good that it had a beginning and an end. And it was really good that it was something that I could tell Steve, "Okay, Steve, this is what the Lord's asked me to do." Otherwise, he would have thought some alien had come and abducted his wife.

But it was good for me and for him, because, for him – well, let me go for me first, reason it was good. Well, for one thing, let me just tell you how this kinda looked, what this looked like. Okay. Sometimes, as I mentioned, God can be just a tiny bit cruel, because this 40-day time period was during the Christmas holidays.

So, that meant that any time a decision would come up, you know, I would have to say, "I don't know, honey. What do you think we should do?" Or a decision would come up that would need to be made, "You know what, I think we should just do whatever you think we should do. I don't know. What's your opinion?" It would look like this at Christmastime.

When it came time to choose the picture that went in the annual Christmas letter, you know, the family photo, I had to lay them all out on the table and then, say, "Steve, which picture do you think we should put in the Christmas letter this year?" And he'd go – and I'd say, "Oh, that one. Oh, okay. That's the one you like, huh? Okay. Don't think I would have chosen that one, but, you know, I do have kind of a nice windswept look thing going with my hair." It was obvious which one was the best picture to put in there. It was the one where the kids looked adorable, I looked beautiful and if Steve had his eyes open, then great.

He began to take this decision making thing just a little too far when he came home one day with a huge bag from Target full of Christmas lights. Now, I know I'm probably gonna step on some toes here, but this is just my personal opinion. I just have always felt like Christmas is about children. It's about bright lights and colors and twinkly lights and you need to have colorful lights on your house. He brings home huge boxes full of white Christmas lights. I said, "Oh, we're gonna have white Christmas lights this year. Okay. We'll have a classy Christmas. I'm sure the kids will love a classy Christmas. Okay. Great."

Now, I tell you I learned an awful lot during those 40 days of not making any decisions. One thing I learned was that my husband had a lot of great ideas, that my husband was full of wisdom that I had never given him a chance to express. Because I kinda had always just felt like, that, you know, my way made sense to me and so that my way was the right way. But I learned that my way is not the right way. It's not the only way. It's just my way. And that God had gifted Steve as the head of our home to be the leader of our family. So, even if his ways were different from mine, they had the advantage, because they have the anointing of God on them for our family.

Another thing I learned was just the freedom and the – I don't know how to explain it – the unbelievable peace that comes from not having to be in control all the time, to not having to be the one that leads the family and makes the decisions and tells everybody, and keeps it all here. And if I don't hold it, it's all gonna fall apart. But to realize that if I don't, that it's not gonna fall apart. And the few times that it did fall apart, that that also was God's will, because there was something at the bottom that he wanted to teach us and a lesson in something he wanted to stir up.

Steve learned a lot too. This was hard for him too. Those 40 days was hard for him, maybe, as hard as it was for me, because, you know, it was a lot easier not to have to take the responsibility to lead the family. It's less pressure, because if you fail, if it was to fail, that it's not your fault. And so, the fact that I was not allowed to make decisions for 40 days by the Lord made him have to make those decisions.

And I didn't do it, like, well, you got to make the decision. You're the one in control. God put you as the leader of this family, so you need to lead. It was really much more of, "Honey, I don't know. God has shown me that I don't need to be making any more decisions, that he's anointed you to make the decisions, so I don't really know what we should do in this situation. Whatever you think we should do is probably what we should do and I will trust you."

Which brings up another point, I didn't really trust him. You know, he had let me down too many times before. He had proven that he couldn't lead the family, that he was just, you know, passive and just didn't take the initiative. And I didn't trust that he could just, suddenly, because God put us on a 40-day fast. And the only way that I could do it and say that is I had to realize it really wasn't about trusting Steve to lead us; it was about trusting God's order and the way he set up the family. And trusting that if God said that the husband was supposed to be over the wife, it was up to God to then make it happen and make it work.

And there are probably lots of you ladies out there, right now, thinking, "You know what, that's fine for you. He may have let you down, but, my goodness, he's a pastor. He knows the Lord. He was walking with the Lord. There was some way you could trust him. I can't trust my husband. My husband doesn't walk with the Lord. My husband doesn't know the Lord and I can't trust him and follow him, because there's no telling where we would end up."

Can I tell you Peter 1:3, where it talks about wives submit to your husband, it says, "Wives submit to your husbands." Why? So, even if they don't know the Lord that they will be one to the Lord, not by anything you say, but because of your reverence, your fear, your respect for them. And that's what it's all about.

The Lord has not given us an escape valve if our husbands do not know the Lord or don't walk with the Lord. He closed that escape valve when he said, "Even those who don't know the Lord will be one to the Lord by your respect for them as you submit to them." And if God said that, then, maybe, you need to hold onto him even more if you decide to make your choice to submit to your husband and trust him.

And let me tell you the good news. The most important thing I learned is that once I made the decision to obey Steve and trust him and follow him, even if I knew, even if it was clear to everybody that where we were supposed to go was over here, if Steve said, "No, I think we need to go over here." And then, we had learned, after the 40 days, to have the kind of relationship where I could say, "Okay, we'll do that. Let me just tell you the reasons why I think we should go over here. But if you still feel like that we need to go this way, then I will follow you and I will trust you."

I don't know how God did it, but, somehow, he would either move this and put it over here or he'd make the path start out this way and wind up over here, because God is trustworthy and his Word really is the way to live our life. It may not make sense. It may be scary, but it is the way that brings life in marriages and in our relationships and in very part.

This morning, I'm gonna close now, because, I think, as woman, whether we're married or not, many of us deal with that feeling that we have to be in control. And if we're not in control, then it'll fall apart.

I'm gonna tell you two things. First of all, sometimes, it's good for it to fall apart, because you're hanging on to something that's not God's will anyway. And it needs to be let go, so that he can then put into your life what he has blessed in store for you in his will. But, also, I want to tell you the amazing freedom that comes from not having to be in control and putting God in control.

And I believe, probably, through what Michelle spoke this morning, maybe something I said tonight, maybe I said today, that the Lord is bringing things up into you, that he's saying, "I want that. Daughter, give that to me. Let me have the control. I can take good care of it, better than you can. I know the way you should go. I have only blessing for you. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go and trust me. And if it falls apart, I'm at the bottom and at the bottom is where you'll find my will."

And maybe it won't fall part. Maybe, he'll do just what he did in our marriage, which is turn it around and make it so sweet and so freeing for me to be able to be a woman and all that God created me to be and my husband to be a man and all that he's created him to be.

Maybe, the thing that you need to give God control of is your life, is your eternal destination. You know, I guess we can all assume – we may all assume that everyone in here has already made that decision, but that's not true. You know that. There are ladies in here, who even maybe have gone to church before, who have walked with the Lord, but they have never really given God control of their life, said, "I give you – make you Lord of my life. I give you control of my life. I give you control of my eternal destination and my salvation. I'm no longer gonna try to be good enough to get to heaven. It's not gonna be under my control. I'm not gonna work hard enough to try to earn your favor. I'm going to believe that it's all about Jesus and that he died for me. And because I receive him as my Lord and Savior, he makes me good enough and I will give him control of where I end up and where I go.

Let's everyone bow our head and close our eyes. And that's the first question I want to ask with nobody looking around, everybody's head bowed, I want to speak to that woman or those women out here, who you realize that the Lord is speaking to you saying, "Daughter, I want you to give me your life. Stop trying to work your way to heaven. Stop trying to figure out how to get to heaven. Stop trying to figure out how in the world Jesus could be the only way to heaven and just give me the control of your life. Give me your life and make me Lord, so that I may come and wash you free of your sins, pour out my blessings upon you and set you on the path that I have created you for."

If that's you, with nobody looking around, would you raise your hand up real high and then, look at me in the eyes. And keep your hand up until I can acknowledge you, because I'm gonna acknowledge each one of you.

And then, I'm gonna ask you to do one other thing. It's not gonna be embarrassing. I want you just to tap the person next to you and say, I'm making Jesus Lord of my life today.

And the reason I'm doing that is two reasons. First of all, the Bible says that if we acknowledge and confess Jesus here on Earth that when we get to heaven, he will confess us before the father. But, also, because we are women and we need other women. We need other women to come alongside and walk with us and, especially, at this kind of time.

And I'm gonna agree with you, Jesus is Lord of your life today. Will you tell the person, just tap the person next to you. And I agree with you, Jesus is Lord. Just tap the person next to you. And I agree with you. Just tap the person next to you.

And you have a whole group of women there to walk with you and we need that, receive that. Don't try to go on your own. Don't try to make it on your own. Receive the help from these dear women that are with you. Just tap the person next to you and tell her, Jesus is my Lord today.

And both of you back there, I see and, then, one right here, kind of a little further up, all three of you in the back there on this side, I agree with you and I agree with you and I agree with you. Just tap the lady next to you. And I agree with you. Tap the lady next to her and tell her you're making Jesus Lord of your life today. You're giving him control of your life. And I agree with you. Would you tell the person next to you? I don't understand it all, but I'm asking Jesus to be Lord. And I agree with you, right back there, yes, wave at me, yeah, yes. And would you tap the lady next to you. And I agree with you and I agree with you. You can just tell each other or tell the one each side of you, I'm making Jesus Lord, I'm giving him my life. I'm letting go. Yeah. Tap her. And I agree with you. Bless you. Just tell the person next you, yeah, making Jesus Lord of my life today. And I agree with you.

Joy is going to be your strength. Joy is gonna come to you. Would you tell the person next to you, saying, I'm receiving Jesus and I want all of the joy he has for me. Can you tap the person next to you and receive strength?

And I see you back there in the blue shirt. Yeah, I agree with you. Will you tell the person next to you. And I see you, yeah, you put your hand down, but I see you now. I agree with you. Tell the person next to you. And I agree with you, yes, well, I agree with you. Tell the lady next to you.

Okay, I'm gonna make one pass around. I'm gonna start on the right side and there's two right here. I agree with you and I agree with you, Jesus is Lord of your life. Receive the blessings and all that comes with that.

Wave at me if I don't see you. I'm gonna be on the right side looking down that section. Wave at me.

Okay, now, I'm going down the middle. Wave at me, if I don't see you. I see you. Will you open your eyes and let me agree with you? The lady that – yeah, you. I agree with you. Bless you. Will you tell the lady next to you. Just tap her. Just tell her I'm receiving Jesus.

Anybody else in this row? In this section, wave at me. I agree with you. Would you tell the person next to you. What a great group you have there. Anybody else in this section? I see you back there, both hands. I agree with you. Let me see your eyes. I agree with you and I agree with you. An abundant life is beginning today for you. Anybody else in this section, wave at me.

Okay, this section. I agree with you. Oh, Jesus has so much in store for you. And the peace that's gonna flow over you of not having to have it all figured out. Jesus has it all figured out and he's gonna let you in on the plan. Just tell the person next to you, I'm making Jesus Lord. Anybody else in this section?

Okay. This last section over here on your left. Anybody? Wave at me.

Okay. Everybody keep your head bowed and your eyes closed, because before we pray, we need to make a decision – we need to act on what God has spoken to us. And if there's something that the Lord has said, specifically, to you – you've made him Lord of your life already, but you know that there's something that, specifically, he's asking you to give him control of, to let go, to trust him enough to obey him, and you are willing to believe that his character is good enough to trust and worthy enough to trust, today, you're gonna make a choice and you're gonna say, okay, I will obey. I give it to you. I let it go.

And if that's you, I want you to picture that in your hands. Take your hands and put 'em in front of you on your lap. Open 'em up. Put 'em in front of you. Put that thing in your hand. Grab hold of it really tight, like you've been holding onto it. And now, I want you to lift it up to the Lord and let it go. Lift it up onto the Lord and then, just let it go. Let it go. Drop it. Drop it. It's in his hands. It's in his good hands. It's in his nail-scared hands. Now, don't take it back.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much that our lives are in your hands and that your hands are gentle. Your hands are strong. Your hands are wise and they can mold us and they can shape us. They can point us in the direction that we are safe in your hands.

And those things that we've held on to the tightest, because we've held on to them the closest, because they mean the most to us, we let 'em go to you and trust you knowing they mean even more to you. Fill us with faith that we don't pick 'em up again, but continue to let you carry them.

Strengthen us to walk through these days ahead of obedience and following through on our decision. Fill us with your Holy Spirit that we would have the power to do that. And when we don't and we're tempted to hold it back, remind us to say, Jesus, help me. I give it up again.

And for those ladies who have asked you to be Lord of their life for the first time this morning or, perhaps, it has been a long time and they just feel the need to give you – make you Lord of their life this morning, I thank you, Jesus, that that means that they believe they can't do it on their own, that they believe that they're not good enough to be able to have a relationship with you, that they have sinned and not only can they not live eternally with you in heaven, but they can't live abundantly with you here on Earth, except if they receive the goodness and the gift and the forgiveness of sins that comes through Jesus, when he shed his blood on the cross. They believe that he is your son and he is the only way to heaven and have received you this morning into their hearts and given you their life.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for bringing us here this weekend. Thank you that you love us. We love you too.

In Jesus name.

Amen.

Male: Amen. Haven't you enjoyed, Lisa. Thank you, Lisa. Amen.

Lisa Whelchel: I forgot one thing. For those of you who did raise your hand and asked Jesus to be your Lord for the first time this morning, I've got some cards on my table. Would you mind just filling it out with your name and address? Not that I want for any other reason, except that I want to send you a two-page letter I've written just to kinda help you kinda get started on your walk with the Lord and a little book that our pastor has written, the same kind of thing, just kinda get started. And then, I just can make copies of that for you. But that's the only reason I want it is to kinda help you, because we need ladies, women to come along and help us in our walk with the Lord.